February 13, 2005, Sunday Morning Valentines Week 2005 "Principles of Marriage" Biblical foundations that guarantee marital success OPENING: 1 Peter 3:1-12

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• A Christian family is defined by "any member of the family who loves Jesus Christ;" not by demographics such as "wife+husband and 2.5 children"
  
  
• No specific family configuration, counseling, or books on marriage--according to man--can result in a stable, happy marriage
  
  
  • USE GOD'S "MARRIAGE TRIANGLE": (equilateral)

    Want to go from larger triangle to smaller ===>

    
    
    • GOD must be the tip of your marriage triangle, of which you and your spouse are the other two edges
      
      
    • The closer you draw to GOD, the closer you draw to your spouse, and vice versa
      
      
    • Conversely, the farther you move away from GOD, the farther you move away from your spouse, and vice versa
      
      
    • LARGE TRIANGLE = BAD; SMALL TRIANGLE = GOOD
      
      
    • DESIRED END STATE: To have the smallest triangle possible
  
  
• Our pastor missed the last marriage counseling conference--he didn't have the time or the money; But he claimed staying at a "Bed and Breakfast" hotel with his wife for one night did him better than an entire weekend conference could've
  
  
• 29 years ago this week (1976), Pastor Branson had his first date with his would-be wife, in which they got engaged two weeks later
  
  
  • And for these 29 years, their marriage has been tested through near-death of their children, his wife's cancer, his back injury and constant moves (as pastor, you have to be on-call to visit your congregation, near and far, 24-7)
    
    
  • KEY: His family has endured all to this day only because of their faith and belief in Jesus Christ being head of his family and that He would take care of their problems
  
  
• RULES FOR THE WIFE:
  
  
  • Ephesians 5:22-23: Wives should submit themselves to their husbands because "the husband is the head of the wife" (anti-feminism) just as Christ is the head of the church
    
    
  • 1 Peter 3:1,3: If your husband is not saved, win him over with your respectful, pure behavior and Godly lifestyle, not by the change of your outward appearance (i.e., exquisite/expensive clothing; changing your physical features)
    
    
  • Psalm 118:8-9: "Knights in shining armor" (man) are eventually exposed with the rust of sin; therefore honor your husband and put your trust in God
  
  
• RULES FOR THE HUSBAND:
  
  
  • Colossians 3:19 and Ephesians 5:25: Do not be bitter against your wife; love her as Christ loves--and died for--His Church
    
    
  • 1 Peter 3:7: Honor your wife so that your prayers be not hindered
    
    
    • "Live in an understanding way" by listening to her--know her
      
      
    • To honor her means she'd better be the second most important person in your life (where first is GOD)
      
      
    • Your wife is a gift from GOD--don't disrespect her or talk about her behind her back to the guys at work
    
    
  • Proverbs 21:19: It is better to live alone than with an angry, contentious woman
  
  
• RULES FOR BOTH:
  
  
  • 1 Peter 2:13-14: Honor not only your spouse but also all those appointed over you because they were put in place by God (i.e., Mayors, Governors, Presidents)
    
    
  • Mark 10:7-8: When man marries woman, they become "one flesh" which should not be torn by divorce unless it's because of infidelity (Matthew 19:5,9)
    
    
    • In this way, the husband is loving a part of himself when he loves his wife; to disrespect his wife is to do the same to himself
      
      
    • Mark 10:11-12: To divorce your spouse for reasons other than infidelity is to commit adultery against him/her
    
    
  • Be gentle (meaning: powerful yet restrained by self-control)
    
    
  • James 1:19 and Proverbs 12:18: Be slow (careful--not silent) to speak; for reckless words can do more damage than "weapons of mass destruction"!
    
    
    • Proverbs 15:1: "A Soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."
  
  
• An example of a good wife is Sarah--Abraham's wife
  
  
  • 1 Peter 3:5-6: She was not afraid of life because she not only honored her husband Abraham but also trusted God
    
    
    • Per God, Abraham picked up his tent (house) and family and moved them 600 miles away, not knowing where they would ultimately end up; yet, Sarah was not afraid--she obeyed
      
      
    • Sarah's life was not dictated by fear and uncertainty of the unknown future
  
  
• Rules for living at home
  
  
  • Man's self-esteem is being at work; Woman's is family and love (i.e., watching soaps and reading romance novels)
    
    
  • When man comes home from work, he is not truly home--being with his wife--until he lets work leave his mind, as well
    
    
    • When you're home, pay attention to those at home--not work
    
    
  • There's no standardized playbook, set of rules, or "guide to successful living"--just give full attention to your spouse
    
    
    • Recommended solutions (candy+flowers routine) may not always work; What will always work is to know/understand/love your spouse so they'll trust you even more
    
    
  • Our pastor's marriage agreement: he does all the money-making, his wife does not work; Every night, they always found time to talk to each other
    
    
  • "I've had a rough day" won't work when the wife has been managing three kids all day
  
  
• Luke 14:26: If you want to be a good spouse, put (love/obey) Christ first and family second
  
  
  • When Christ is in you (you're saved), it's more difficult to act inappropriately
    
    
  • 2 Corinthians 13:5: When you are saved, Christ lives within you
    
    
  • Matthew 18:20: When at least two people are together (husband+wife) in Christ's name, He is there, in the midst of you
    
    
    • Jesus' presence should not only be felt by you in church but outside of church, just the same
  
  
  
  CLOSER

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• With Christ as the head of your family, you will be able to keep the family together to survive all situations
  
  
• GOD will bless the husband and his family if he leads them to walk in goodness and righteousness according to the Bible's rules, not man's
  
  
• The more Christ lives within you and the more you know/honor your spouse, the tighter (closer) you three will be to each other in the "Marriage Triangle"